My projector after waking up

 　　It's 2:52 AM. I'm no longer sleepy; I'm awake. But I haven't gotten out of bed because of the cold, because yesterday we had the first snow of the winter. This year's snow seems to have come earlier than last year. Is it still snowing outside? I don't know; I just hope the roads won't be too slippery when I go out at dawn.

　　Lying in bed, it's still warm. I've turned on a dim light—not too bright, as a bright light makes me feel like I'm in daytime mode. It's only been ten minutes since 2:52 AM, and I want to stay in this warm, languid state, perhaps I can fall back asleep in a little while. In this languid state, my thoughts are surging, like a movie playing in my mind, showing the past thirty-two years… no, it should be the past ten years, my vibrant early twenties! Those distant years are already hazy; all I can recall are fragmented pieces. What am I thinking about?! What?! Hmm, I wonder if, during those moments when your brainwaves are flooded with memories of the past, you think of people connected to you? What I'm thinking of is… One person, him, not my "him." Thank you for listening to my sorrows and sharing my experiences over the past ten years, for giving me solace. But we are parallel lines, the best kind of parallel lines, never crossing the line. Another person, her. Hand in hand, inseparable throughout my ten years of growth, she knows everything about me, my experiences, my pain and joy! She shares my happiness and my sadness. "I need happiness," she says, "I hope I will be happy!" She is my best friend! No matter what the future holds, even when we're old and gray, I hope we never forget our initial bond, and remain the same close friends who play together, share family stories, and confide our deepest secrets. One person, two people, three people. The three of you. For ten years, my tears… seem to have been intertwined with you. Though there were moments of happiness, having loved, I know that happiness comes at a price. One person, one of three. I gave you the longest love, but it also hurt the most, wounded the most. It seems we weren't truly sure of each other before we fell in love. This haste made me wait until time had passed before I could see clearly and come to my senses. It seems that once two people's love is bound together, life isn't the same. There are so many irreconcilable differences between us. Do I still love you?! No. Do you still love me?! No. Then…. One person, a lovely little person. I love him. My son! Baby, I'm sorry I can't give you a complete family, but I will do my best to give you a good life. I will try my best to be a good mother and give you all my love! You must grow up healthy and happy, and I will slowly grow old by your side watching you grow up! One person, two people, her and him! My dearest parents in the world! Thank you for always protecting me and helping me. They say daughters should be their parents' little cotton-padded jackets, filial. But I always cause you worry, concern, and anxiety. And while I'm working, you two have to look after my little one. Thank you, Father and Mother! I'm so grateful to you both! I will do my best to give you a good life! May my parents be healthy and happy!

　　... Gradually, because it's cold typing on my phone...

　　my thoughts came to an abrupt halt... I'm wide awake...

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