Random Thoughts from a Sickbed

 　　I guess I've been keeping all my sadness, stress, and worries inside. Last night, the cold wind blew in through the tiny crack in the window, and I woke up in the middle of the night sniffling, only to find that most of the blanket had slipped off

　　 . So, today I've had a headache and dizziness all day, feeling like my body is filled with steaming heat, my breath is burning, and my snot is icy cold; I have to wipe it every three seconds. I guess it's a heat-related cold. Often, when I'm sick, I find inner peace and tranquility. Studying doesn't matter anymore, plans don't matter, discipline doesn't matter. I can frantically write in my favorite classes while pulling out tissues, answering with a voice altered by my sore throat. I don't need to force myself to listen to classes I don't like; I can tilt my head and read an extracurricular book, then pull my hat over my head and fall asleep.

　　 Because I'm sensitive to the wind, I became the first person in school to wear a down jacket, and people passing by always couldn't help but chuckle. I felt that even in today's sunshine, there was only a cool breeze, and the temperature had nothing to do with me, so I coughed a few times to explain, but after many people did that, I just walked away.

When I was ill, I understood even more clearly that others' praise or criticism of me was all in vain. I no longer praise or criticize others, or even the characters in the book. This isn't because I have no opinions, but because I feel that understanding a person is often more humane than judging them as good or bad. Therefore, I am often either considerate or indifferent towards people in life.

　　Watching the comments section of *Dream of the Red Chamber*, there are Daiyu fans and Baochai fans tearing each other apart on screen, calling Daiyu petty, sharp-tongued, and mean-spirited. I always thought these words were too harsh to describe a shrew. Don't you see her intelligence, elegance, and magnanimity? Daiyu's only obsession was with Baoyu. Some say Baochai is worldly, pretentious, and even contemptuous of human life. But did you see Baochai sighing, and then sighing again, giving her her newly made clothes, both comforting Lady Wang and securing funeral expenses for Jin Chuan's family?

I feel that some people stereotype the characters in *Dream of the Red Chamber*, greatly diminishing the aesthetic experience.

　　I am not the center of the world either. As I type, my deskmate to my left is reciting, and my deskmate to my right is solving a series of problems. So why not give yourself freedom and live your life lightly? I asked myself.

　　 Why be afraid of failure even in the life you've chosen? Foolish me, I laughed at myself. If you fall, adjust your angle and direction, and fly again.

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